i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
