i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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