so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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