accomplished twins. life is a go
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
