he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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