Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
