Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
