Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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