I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Randomize
