They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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