Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
