OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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