this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
