You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
