Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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