Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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