I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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