I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
