so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
