He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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