Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
