Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
