I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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