I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
