Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
