We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
