I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
