get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
