So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
