Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
