i think my tv is drunk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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