the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
