I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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