I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
