For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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