dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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