Soap is not a condiment
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
