He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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