biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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