and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
