Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
