Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
