If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
