I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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