i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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