Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
