Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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