he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
