the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused