I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.