woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!