I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
