Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Plan B is the new Plan A
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there was a trapeze. enough said
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
