My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im part way to drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
