U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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