I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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