how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
