Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
