hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
