We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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