i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
