What a fucking waste of an outfit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
