the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All the doctor said was why
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
