Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
