i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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