I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
