I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
