Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
