Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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