well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
