Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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