I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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