i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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