I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
